Satisfaction is a Mere Bug in my Hand and a Gritty Pearl on my Knee

It's been a while since I've had a case of severe inebriation. Overall I don't really enjoy the feeling of being "duh-runk"... Still, though, it only takes two pints for my speech to get all kinds of mixed up.
Spoonerism is a speech trend where folks will switch letters (or sometimes even whole words!) within a phrase or sentence- mostly by accident, or sometimes as a joke. It was made famous by an Oxford professor named William Archibald Spooner, who apparently couldn't help but do it all the time. I do this sometimes when I'm tired or full of beer. Over the past few years (or maybe it's my whole life?!) I've noticed that even when I'm not tired at all, I have a diminished faculty for speech. Maybe, as some folks are uncoordinated and trip over their own feet, I just have a clumsy tongue and palate? All I know is it sucks when you try to tell a joke, and the punch line comes out, "Yarr! It's knivin' me druts!"